Bedroom Ceiling

BEDROOM CEILING

I finally painted the ceiling today
The bedroom ceiling, that we had looked upon so many times
While we thought our respective thoughts
That were never good enough to express:
Sadnesses, like I love you why can't you look at me;
Hurtful ones, like you bastard why don't you see me --

While lying in our bed together, two reluctant roommates
Who happened to have a life they were supposed to make
Screaming thoughts up into the ceiling
Never spoken, never heard --
A ceilingful of angernesses.

And the ceiling, though it started a dirty white,
Became grey over the years
With the smog of our unspoken resentments
And every night I'd look at the ceiling more angry than the last
That you still hadn't painted it -- another promise yet unkept
Another symbol of your unwillingness to co-create
a home we were both members of, a marriage we had both agreed to make.

I finally got you to tape the ceiling
You used packaging tape and sealed it all off
From the walls -- now all we needed
Was for you to paint that ceiling white.
You were taller than me. It would have been easy.
I had painted all the walls already -- now it was your turn,
And you just quit. Left me with the dice in my hands.

You never took your turn, did you?
When it came, you wouldn't play.
We had no game you could enjoy
and when you rolled the dice, it was with great reluctance.

So today I painted the ceiling, my dear.
A thoroughly unprofessional job, might I add --
Our son dumped the white paint all over the carpet,
I desperately scooped handfuls of it back into the bucket
Like a drowning man scooping water out of his life raft
(Oh yes, we had it out).

But the best part of the job was this:
When I pulled the tape off the edges,
It came off nearly in one long piece --

The relief was amazing. Felt so visceral,
like pulling a bandage
Off a scar you think will never heal,
But it comes off cleanly, sticking to nothing --

And underneath it is nothing but clean, fresh skin.

6/25/02